Pool Rules Signs Leave Nothing To The Imagination

I’ve been scouting swimming pools at country clubs in the New York area recently, and I’m pretty amazed at how graphic the Pool Rules signs can be. Like this one, spotted at a country club with a $30K initiation fee and $30k/year membership dues:

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“Discharge of fecal matter” – are you kidding me?? I know they’re trying to a find a polite way of saying “No crapping in the pool”…but doesn’t “Discharge of Fecal Matter” actually sound much worse? Also, in case you were wondering, “expectorating” is a fancy way of saying “spitting” (had to look that one up – I thought it might have something to do with being pregnant).

Here’s another sign, at a similarly expensive club:

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Large sores??? Who are these members?? And there’s that defecation thing again. I didn’t realize pooping in public pools was such an epidemic…but then, I don’t belong to a $30k/year country clubs.

-SCOUT

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24 comments

  1. I learned the word “expectorate” from a sign in an old movie theater: “If you expect to rate as a gentleman, do not expectorate on the floor.”

  2. I am a member at a club with similar fees and when I was younger we did have a defecation incident. A child pooped in the adult outdoor pool. We had to clear the pool for the day and following morning while it was drained and treated. The boy was the child of a guest – I don’t think he ever came back. I don’t remember that we had a sign then, though; maybe that would have helped!

  3. You know, it’s not the rules that get me, but the wear on the signs themselves. $30k/year, and this is what you get in maintenance?

  4. Ha ha! I work at a pool (not as high end as these places, but still up there) and defecation incidents happen a lot more often than I, or anyone who works at a pool, would like to admit. Although vomiting is more common. Sorry to gross anyone out or cast a pall on any happy childhood pool memories, but it’s true.

    Uncomfortable potty talk aside, I love your blog! Traveling vicariously through your posts is awesome.

  5. They missed “urinating” on the 2nd sign. Oversight, or a deliberate loophole?

    • Sean P. Fodera

      Shh! I was thinking of applying for membership, and then seeing if they try to enforce a no urinating rule.

      Note the final disclaimer on the second sign. It’s probably the luck of the draw whether the lifeguard on duty draws inspiration from Sgt. Hulka or Beetle Bailey.

  6. My favorite pool sign, from Mexico: http://www.flickr.com/photos/smackfu/4551522132/

    “Before jumping into the pool, *please verify the profundity*”

  7. Clearly these signs were deemed necessary by past events! That’s scarey!

  8. These signs have so many rules I feel like anything left off is fair game.

    “They didn’t specify ‘no reenacting ancient Greek naval battles!’ Bring out the trireme!”

  9. Was one of these signs at “Bushwood”?

  10. I work at a swanky university, and the sign at the pool there also warns against “discharging of fecal matter.” And I agree, that makes it sound much worse. They should just say “no pooping.”

  11. Janey, what a scream. What, when its at home is expectorating and how are they supposed to keep nose blowing under control unless someone stands up and loudly announces it. Very funny.

  12. You probably heard on the News how the City of Portland drained its reservoir after I guy was seen urinating in it. The fact that a couple of hundred Canadian Geese called the reservoir home never bothered them; but 1 drunk’s pee was just too much!

  13. semantically speaking, according to sign #1 , I guess it’s ok to have fecal matter- just as long as you don’t discharge of it! u know, with lawsuits what they are these days, they really should enumerate all possible verbs that one could do with said matter just to be safe! ha ha to the person who wrote about the condition of the sign- you WOULD think for that much $ they would sport forca non rusted sign!!!

  14. Well, this may be a high-class swimming pool, but the signs look seedy as hell!

  15. best blog on the internet, enjoyed it for years, worst post of said blog. . .

    but, ironically keeps me checking back in more often for the next post. . .

  16. Clearly, it would be impermissible to film an aquatic remake of 2 Girls 1 Cup in either pool. Pity.

  17. You know the old saying: if there’s a warning, its because someone has done it before. Guess the fake shark fin isn’t aloud in these pools!

  18. The use of “expectorate” always reminds me of one of the oddest signs I’ve seen in a workplace. At Lagunitas Brewing in Petaluma, CA, they have a sign that says “Employees must expectorate before returning to work”.

    Pic here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaszeta/2776771812

  19. Don’t you think that these rules would be common sense to people who pay $30 grand a year?

  20. I think they missed vomiting.

    I actually learned the meaning of “expectorate” from a Disney movie. In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston proclaims that he is “especially good at expectorating” and then spits something across the room. Thank you, Disney, for expanding my vocabulary.

  21. If I’m paying $30,000 a year in fees, I’d expect to be able to poop wherever I damn well please.

  22. the one about bushwood/ I recently planted a real baby ruth candy bar at a condo -play swam up with but nobody got the joke.so i ate it/but i peed in an upstate reservoir upstae ny and the next day someone was found dead/i always thought it was my fault and it haunted my childhood/thanks for freeing me.love your website.keep up good finds……peace

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